ROCKED BY GRACE (LOVE AND CHAOS SERIES Book 1) Read online

  Payton yawned. “I guess time flies when you’re pass-out drunk.”

  “You said it, not me. Are you feeling all right?”

  Payton paused as if evaluating her status. “Yeah. I think I’m fine. Just need to get a good night’s sleep.”

  “Okay. If you’re sure.”

  “I’m sure, babe. I know you want to check on Jamie.”

  We exited the vehicle. “Got me,” I confessed. I nodded toward the building as I closed the door. “But his light’s out.”

  “Oh, shoot. Well, tomorrow then.”

  We walked side-by-side. Payton lived on the fourth floor and Lexi had the “penthouse.”

  Payton scratched her temple. “Was Hyacinth called?”

  “Yes. Multiple times, actually.”

  “Hmm. I thought so.” She stopped abruptly. “Hey. We never really talked about that kiss.”

  I shrugged, heat building in my face. Continuing walking, I avoided eye contact. “Not much to talk about.”

  Payton ran ahead and walked backwards in front of me. “Oh, like you play tonsil hockey with a multi-platinum—or whatever—rock star every day.”

  That tickled me. “No. Only Tuesdays and Saturdays. Luckily it’s Saturday. Uhh. You may want to turn around before you fall.”

  Payton’s heels hit the steps leading to the door. She put her hands on my shoulders. “Come on. Give. What was it like? Because it looked super hot.”

  I was happy for the semi-darkness—a light post wasn’t too far away—because I was certain my cheeks were red as they burned and sweat was rising on my skin. I smiled, trying to blow it off. “I don’t kiss and tell.” I tried to skirt Payton, but she moved with me, keeping me blocked.

  “Since when.”

  I had to laugh at that.

  “Come on. Dish. Was he good?”

  All kinds of good.

  I exhaled. “Okay, fine. I guess you could say he was.”

  “You guess?”

  “Payton…?” My friend wouldn’t budge. “Hyacinth.”

  “What? What danger am I putting us in?”

  In her moment of confusion, I managed to get around her. “You’re going to be in danger if you don’t leave me alone.” I opened the heavy glass entry door and held it. Payton frowned, passing over the threshold. “By the way, you have puke in your hair.”

  She lifted the ends to examine them. “Eww.” I passed her and climbed the steps to my door on the third floor. “Wait. Wait. Wait.” Payton ran up behind me. “At least tell me why you ran away.”

  I turned to her. “Ran away? I didn’t run away.”

  Payton narrowed her eyes, studying me. “That’s what it looked like.”

  “Well, I didn’t run away. We were finished, is all.”

  “He didn’t seem finished. In fact, he appeared to want to mount you there on the stage.”

  I slapped her arm. “Don’t be crude.”

  “I’m just sayin’…”

  “Payton. It’s late. Can we talk about this tomorrow?” But hopefully you’ll forget about it.

  “I guess.” She rounded the newel post but paused with one foot on the bottom step. “But I’m not forgetting about it.”

  “Good night,” I said in a sing-songy voice.

  “Good night.” Payton mimicked my tone, climbing the stairs. “Sweet dreams. Don’t get the sheets too sweaty with thoughts of your rock star boyfriend.”

  I leaned on the newel post cap, stretching to hiss up the stairs, aware, even if Payton wasn’t, that people were sleeping. “I don’t have a rock star boyfriend.”

  Payton yawned and waved an arm.

  I sighed. “She’s never going to forget this.” Shaking my head I unlocked the door to my apartment. The room was dark, but the glow from the TV lit my friend, Holly’s face. She was stretched out on the couch with a throw blanket over her, a pillow tucked under her arm.

  “Hey,” Holly whispered, reaching for the remote. “How was it?” She switched the screen off.

  “Uhh.” I set my keys on the end table. “It was good. Thank you so much for watching him.” Holly was one of the few people I trusted to stay with Jamie. She was good with him, the experience she got working with people with disabilities was invaluable.

  “Oh, no problem. He was a sweetheart. And it was only a three ice cream sandwich night.”

  “Three?”

  “Well, he—”

  “You know what? Never mind. If I can harm my body with alcohol, he can harm his with sugar. It’s only fair. Besides, I know, despite what you said, it isn’t easy. You do whatever you have to do.”

  Holly folded the blanket and draped it over the back of the couch.

  “Has he been asleep long?”

  My friend picked up the pillow, searching for something. “I don’t know, what time is it?”

  I looked at the phone in my hand. “Twenty five after one.”

  “Oh, there it is.” She found her phone under a magazine on the coffee table. “Uhh….” She exhaled. “Probably for like an hour and a half then. Maybe a little more.”

  “Mmm.” He’ll be a bear tomorrow. Good thing it’s my day off. I walked Holly to the door.

  “Were you able to get very close to Zane or Rafe?”

  Very close to Zane. Too close. What was I thinking? “Uhh, yeah. Payton wormed her way into the front row. Like usual.” I opened the door. “I can’t thank you enough for watching Jamie. I really needed the break.”

  Holly tapped my cheek. “I could tell.”

  “Oh, no. Was I crabby?”

  “No. No.” She took my hands. “It’s just…everybody needs a break every now and again, Grace. You should do it more often.”

  I hung my head. “Yeah. I know. You’re right.” I looked back down the hallway to his room, even though he wasn’t there. “It’d probably be good for both of us.”

  Holly raised her eyebrows. “It would do wonders for your sex life.”

  I laughed. “Oh, God forbid.” I scrunched my nose and put a finger to my lips. “Now what is that again?”

  Holly chuckled.

  “I’m so sorry to keep you this late.”

  Holly paused with her foot on a step. “It’s not a problem. Really.” She nodded up the stairs. “Russ would keep me awake with his snoring anyway.”

  I crossed my arms and leaned against the doorframe. “And I need a sex life?”

  “Oh, honey. We manage.” She grinned. “Good night. Sleep well.”

  “Thanks.” I turned and walked back into my apartment, closing and locking the door. I sashayed over to the front window.

  Sex life? Who needs one?

  I was perfectly happy with things the way they were. Instead of pulling the drape shut, I stared out the window.

  But, my God. That kiss.

  I was never kissed by a man like that. Like they were interested in my getting pleasure out of it as well as taking it themselves. It was never that way with Brad. Even before things got messy with him. The thought sent a shiver up my spine. I stepped back and yanked the curtain closed. I bent to switch out the light on the end table, and coasted by the coffee table by the light shining in from the alley behind the place. I didn’t have a curtain on the kitchen window as I was in and out it a lot. On the fire escape I could take a break from Jamie without being too far.

  I wandered into the kitchen. Running my hand along the kitchen table as I passed it to stare out the window at the building across the way from mine, without really seeing it.

  That kiss was hot. Fantastically, incredibly hot. He was hot.

  I giggled.

  I kissed Zane Sanders. Sure, I ran away like a little baby afterward, but it was no baby kissing him back.

  Then I thought about Payton’s question. Why? Why did I take off like that?

  I don’t even really know. I felt panicked, and took off.

  I made it back to the car and bawled. Again, unclear what the reason was for that. But it did make me feel better, so who cared why I di
d it? I swiveled on my heel and made my way to Jamie’s door, having to turn the hall light on to see. I opened it as quietly as possible. It squeaked, but he didn’t move. Light from the window, whether streetlight or moonlight, illuminated his face. He always looked so peaceful and angelic when he slept. I tiptoed across the carpet to his bed. With a feather light touch I pushed the hair back across his forehead. He was smiling.

  Are you having good dreams, buddy?

  This was my life, here. There wasn’t any more room in my heart for any other man. I crossed my arms and stared at him. He was snoring a little, his mouth hanging open. My love for my brother filled me with warmth. He was all that was right in the world. I squatted, lacing my fingers together on the mattress and resting my chin on top. I watched him sleep. When my legs cramped, I sat on the floor, resting my hands in my lap, lulled by his even breathing. After a bit, I curled up on my side, tucking my hands under my face. I listened for a while, but since I couldn’t see him from that angle I flopped on my back and stared at the ceiling. When I noticed my breathing getting rhythmic, I shook and rose, going to the door. I closed the door behind me, but stopped with it cracked and peered in at him. I must have fallen asleep, because he was on his side now. I eased the door shut and slid my phone out of my back pocket.

  Three-thirty. I did fall asleep.

  I went to my room and sat on the bed to tug off my boots. Standing again, I peeled of my jeans, leaving them in a puddle on the floor. I didn’t bother to remove my top, simply pulled the sheets down and slipped in bed. I was asleep in minutes.

  “Gracie! Gracie!”

  I opened my eyes. A body was jumping on my bed. I flipped over.

  “You’re home!” he screamed.

  Oh, Lord. What time is it?

  I didn’t check my phone, instead, doing things the old-fashioned way, I read the numbers on my clock radio. Nine o’clock? He let me sleep till nine?

  “Jamie. Shh. People are sleeping. Come here.”

  Taking one more high bounce he plopped on the bed. I drew him into my side.

  “Were you good last night?”

  He looked at me with his frank, open stare. His glasses were so smudged I couldn’t imagine he could see my face, even as close as we were. “Uh-huh,” he said solemnly.

  I squeezed him. “I knew you would be.”

  He flew up into a sitting position. “Can we have pancakes?” It’s Sunday.”

  It was my day off, and he knew the routine. Sundays were for pancakes. “I don’t know. Aunt Holly said you had three ice cream sandwiches last night.”

  He grinned. “Four.”

  “Four!” I gave him a playful shove. “You little piggie. Maybe we should have scrambled eggs today.”

  “No. Pancakes. It’s Sunday.”

  Did I really want to argue with him today? I smiled. “Okay. But you can only have two trillion of them.”

  “No. Five trillion.” He picked up my St. Louis Blues cap from the other side of the bed and put it on his head.

  I tugged on the bill. “We’ll see. Now, hop on down and go get the pancake bowl out and the mix and I’ll be right there.”

  “Okay.” He bounced on his butt to the end of the bed and scrambled away. I watched him with a smile on my face as he ran to the door.

  “Jamie?”

  He turned.

  “I love you, buddy.”

  He ran back and gave me a sloppy kiss on the cheek. “I love you, Gracie.” He took off. “Five trillion pancakes. Five trillion pancakes,” he sang.

  How could anyone be anything but happy with him in the room? I threw the covers back and got out of bed. Other than the wrinkles Jamie created when bouncing, it hardly looked slept in. I pulled the sheets and comforter into place, smoothed out errant creases, and found some clothes to wear.

  I could hear Jamie rummaging about as I walked along the hall. When I entered the kitchen, he swung around with the carton of eggs and one flew out and landed on the floor with a splat.

  Jamie froze staring at the mess. “Uh-oh.”

  Knowing if I didn’t act fast a major meltdown would take place, I swooped into the kitchen and grabbed a paper towel from the roll on the counter.

  “Uh-oh,” Jamie repeated, his voice getting more panicked.

  “No big deal, bud.”

  “I broke it.” Tears were already pooling behind his lashes.

  I hated myself for this. Brad always made him—and me, for that matter—feel bad for even the slightest mistake. It wasn’t until the day he struck Jamie for the first time—knocking him to the floor—that I left. Tears were forming in my eyes, too. I spoke over the lump in my throat. “Hey. Want to see a magic trick?”

  “Magic?”

  I got on my knees and waved a hand over the broken egg shell and sticky mess spreading out from it. “Now you see it.” I worked up a smile and looked at him, placing the paper towel on top of it. “Now—” I scrunched everything into my fist, “—you don’t.” Sweeping it away with flair I added. “Voila.”

  He gasped. “You know magic?” He knew perfectly well I was holding the egg, but it was one of our special jokes.

  I winked at him then scanned the table. “You got the mix and bowl out. Good job.”

  He trotted over to the kitchen table and put the carton of eggs next to the bowl, then pulled a chair out, scraping it against the floor. I almost said something, but decided, coming on the heels of the whole egg incident, it might be best to let it slide. I stood and gathered the ingredients, glancing at him. He had a fork fisted in one hand and a knife in the other, their ends poised on the table. “Oh, I see you got your fork and knife, too. Good thinking.”

  I made the batter and warmed the skillet. “How would you like to go fishing today?”

  “Really?” he jumped out of his chair and tore out of the kitchen. “I’ll get my stuff,” he yelled over his shoulder.

  I chuckled. “Not so interested in five trillion pancakes now.”

  He ducked back into the kitchen, opened a cabinet, and grabbed out a plastic bottle of syrup. He slammed it on the table and ran out without saying a word.

  I tilted my head, whisking the eggs. “I stand corrected.”

  It was a glorious day, but the park was fairly empty.

  I guess most people are at church right now.

  I had tried church with Jamie. I shuddered at the thought now. Some sacrifices had to be made in these situations. I would occasionally ask my daytime sitter, Lexi, to stay late so I could catch a service, during Holy Week especially.

  Birds were singing in the trees enjoying the summer sunshine. Their happy chatter made me smile. It was pretty here. The pond was at the center of the park, with walking paths and a smooth rolling hill sloping up to the street above. Recessed as it was, people using the park felt like they were in the middle of a forest meadow, not blocks away from the capital building. A slight breeze was blowing and on the other side of the lake a little boy and his dad were playing with a motorized sailboat. Jamie was fascinated by it, and I was, too, actually. I was squatting beside him, gesturing to the pair across the water.

  “See that little box the boy’s holding?”

  Jamie nodded solemnly.

  “That’s how he steers the boat. Like I steer the car.”

  Jamie inhaled deeply. “Neat.” The tip of his neglected rod was underwater.

  “Hold the rod up, buddy.” I rose. “Good.”

  “Grace?”

  I whipped my head around. I heard that voice in my nightmares.

  “Brad.” I could hardly get the word out. I backed away, spreading my arms wide, not even wanting him to see Jamie. “How did you find me?”

  He took a big step forward, his fingers in his front pockets, thumbs out. “Not that hard, Gracie when you’re whoring yourself all over the Internet with some rock star.”

  “You— Someone…?” I couldn’t think clearly. My gaze darted everywhere. Why weren’t people close?

  He moved nearer. “I see
you haven’t learned to speak any better.” He sucked air in through his teeth. “But it sure looked like you learned how to kiss a whole lot better.”

  I retreated more, bumping into Jamie. I actually forgot how scary my exe was. We moved to Jefferson City four years ago and I got lulled into complacency.

  My focus landed on a squad car pulling to the curb on the street above the park. “The p-police are right there.”

  He spoke quietly, but with a lethal edge to his voice, still coming closer. “Aww,” he cast a glance in their direction then closed the gap between us, “they’re not worrying about our nice little family.” He slid the back of his hand down my face, his steel gray eyes twinkling with malice. It was like I was mesmerized by them. Frozen in place. He took a step back and ran his gaze over me. “You look good, honey.” I wasn’t afraid for myself, he’d done his worst to me. But I was terrified of him hurting Jamie.

  “Grace?” I heard a splash then Jamie gripped my arm. The sound of his voice gave me the incentive to fight back.

  I raised my chin. “You get away from us.”

  “Grace?” Jamie was getting frantic. This was a nightmare. One of my nightmares come to life. I checked for the policemen but they had left their cruiser and crossed the street. I had missed my opportunity.

  Brad lunged and grabbed my arms. He sneered. “That would sound a whole lot tougher, Grace, if your lip wasn’t trembling.” Now he was staring at my lips. “Fuck. I bet that rocker guy really enjoyed that kiss you gave him.”

  Jamie tried to get around me and I searched for him with my hand, struggling to keep him back.

  “Leave her alone.”

  I finally got a hold of Jamie and pushed him back behind me. “It’s okay, Jamie.”

  Brad grinned at me. He knew me. Knew my weakness. “Hey, Jamie,” he said slowly. “You remember me, don’t you?”

  “Don’t touch him,” I shrieked. I closed my eyes for a moment. I needed to keep my cool for Jamie.

  “Oh, I’m not interested in touching him.” He jerked me to him. “I’m more interested in touching you. All over.”

  “Stop!” I shoved him, trying to break his hold.

  He laughed, leering at me and squeezing my arms mercilessly. “You know that don’t work, Gracie. And it usually makes me madder.”