Sin Worth the Penance Read online

  I kissed her, and she moaned, intensifying my need. I brought my lips to her neck. “Like this.” I kissed lower. “And this.”

  “Oh, dear Lawd.” She pressed against me.

  A voice rose from downstairs. “Hey there? Killian? Are ya up there?”

  Aye. But I’m not done, dammit, Paddy.

  I put a finger on her lips and twisted in his direction. “I’ll be there in a jiffy, Uncle.” Before she could escape from me, I took my finger from her lips, gliding it to her throat and kissed her again, and again, long deep kisses. Then she pulled away.

  “We have to go.” And she flew from me.

  She managed to avoid talking to me much throughout the evening, as the place was packed to the rafters. But I caught her in the short hallway toward the close of the evening.

  I took her hand. “Bridey….”

  “I have a table I need to get to.”

  “So is this how it’s going to be? We’re going to act like nothing happened upstairs?”

  “Shh!” She drew me farther into the hall. “Aye, something happened upstairs. True enough. And it was something beautiful and magical…and it can’t happen again.”

  “For Gawd’s sake, why?”

  She feathered her fingers along my jaw’s stubble. “You’re too good a man to be hanging with the likes of me, Killian Murphey.”

  There she was, saying my name that way again. The way that turned me on. I put my palms on either side of her face and looked from eye to eye. “I get it, Bridey. You’re scared. Ya have every right to be. I came on too strong upstairs…you’re not over Flynn yet, and—”

  “No. Sadly, I am over him. Maybe I’m as much to blame for what happened as he is.” She dropped her head, shaking it. “Maybe I’m the whore folks say I am.”

  “Don’t talk that way.” I pressed my lips together, angered by her words, and thinking out what I wanted to say. “Here’s the thing, Bridey, I know ya need for me to prove myself to ya, after all the shite ya went through, and I’m willing to do that. Whether it takes a year, or five years, I will be patient and woo ya slowly.”

  Her lips lifted at the corners. “Did you just say woo?”

  I had to smile myself. “I did. Too old-fashioned?”

  “Definitely.”

  I put my hand on the wall above her, leaning in. “Can we try this, Bridey? I want to give us a try.”

  Her lips parted, but no answer came out.

  Deirdre called from the front. “Hey, all of ya. Bring yourselves to the bar, if ya will.”

  Bridey glanced in that direction and exhaled. “Saved by the bell.” Ducking under my arm, she marched away. I shook my head and followed.

  Lined up on the bar, pretty as a picture, were five shots, Jameson’s if the nearby bottle had anything to do with it.

  Paddy frowned. “Well, where’s Tag? That big galoot always leaves me tapping my toes. I swear he couldn’t pour shite from a shoe if the instructions were on the heel.”

  “I’ll fetch him,” I offered.

  When we got back, glasses were passed. We waited expectantly.

  “So,” Paddy began, “today we celebrate the fiftieth anniversary of our getting hitched.”

  Bridey put a hand to her heart. “Oh. That’s wonderful! Congratulations!” She wrinkled her brow. “But why didn’t ya tell us? We’d’ve thrown you a party.”

  “Because ya would have thrown us a party,” Paddy replied. He raised his glass. “To the old gal I’ve doted on for fifty years. Ya gave me twelve children—”

  “Thirteen,” Deirdre corrected. It was a running joke with them. Paddy saying he had too many children to count.

  “Thirteen. And every day of that fifty years, ya’ve made me as happy as Larry. And please god we’ll have fifty more. Acushla, you’re a hunnerd percent, for sure, and I’d marry ya again at the drop of a hat. Here’s to my blushing bride.”

  I raised my glass. “Hear, hear.”

  “Sláinte,” Tag and Bridey added.

  Paddy and Deirdre linked arms and drank, then kissed.

  I looked at Bridey out of the corner of my vision. “A fine example they are.”

  Her eyes danced. I guess the romance of the moment was working its magic. We linked arms as our elders had, drained our shots, and kissed, much to the surprise of everyone there.

  Paddy snorted. “Well, now. I see it didn’t take ya long to recover from the loss of my son.”

  Bridey unlinked her arm. “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t think. Please forgive me.”

  He pinched her chin. “I’m only codding ya, love.” He slid out his wallet. “It was a fair wager, Deir’.” He shrugged. “I said ya’d be snogging by tomorrow, Deir’ had today.”

  “What?” Bridey seemed mortified. “Ya were wagering on us?”

  “Well, sure.” Paddy gestured to me. “I could tell he was smitten with ya. And he’s a dead ringer for Flynn. They’re interchangeable, they are.”

  “Uhh…” I spoke up. “I like to think I bring a little something special on my end.”

  Deirdre beamed at me, clapping her hands together. “Oh, you do. You two are like cheese and chalk.” She grabbed my face and gave me a big, smacking kiss on each cheek. Then she held her hand out. “Now pay the piper.”

  I was unsure of what she meant until Tag passed a fiver from the back. “I had next week.” He elbowed me. “Fair play, my lad. Fair play.”

  I bent my knees to whisper in Bridey’s ear. “See?”

  “Yeah. It was destiny. Go on with ya.” She rolled her eyes, then picked up the bottle and refilled our glasses. She lifted hers. “A toast to our happy couple.”

  A toast? That’s MY game.

  Not that I was sexist or anything, but I’d never heard a woman toast before and I was interested in what she may come up with.

  “May ya have warm words on a cold evening—”

  A good start….

  “A full moon on a dark night, and the road downhill all the way to your door.”

  A cheer arose, and we clinked our glasses. When I got to Bridey, I winked at her, “Ya crushed it.”

  “Did ya doubt me, Murphey?”

  “Not a chance.”

  We drained our shots, and something in the act reminded me of my crew over the pond, how I used to toast them and how Jo asked if all Irishmen could toast. The thought of her was a cold wave on a warm moment. I dropped out of the convo for my own private internal beat down. What was I doing chasing this woman, kissing her even, for the love of Gawd? It was like I didn’t give a rat’s arse for my Jo, but a year in the ground. Yet, I knew that wasn’t true. Knew it as well as the constant pain in my heart. But, whatever was going on here with Bridey, I needed to explore it. Was it possible to love two people at the same time and be true to them both?

  “Killian?” Bridey murmured. “It seems like you’re off with the fairies. Are you all right?”

  Before I could answer, Paddy addressed Bridey. “Mind yourself, now. Have another one of those,” he indicated her glass “ya’ll be wrote off the map before ya know it, and have a diabolical headache on the morrow.”

  “Come now, Paddy. I ain’t no amateur.” She smiled at him but kept throwing glances my way.

  “Ho, ho. We’ll see about that.” Paddy clapped. “All right. Let’s make short work of it and get out of here early tonight. I want to go home and bed my wife.”

  “Oh,” Deirdre gave him a smack. “Stop letting on you’re horned up, ya scoundrel.”

  He kissed her, then turned to us and waved the backs of his hands to us. “Well…work away.” We jumped and went to finish. “I’m not looking for more than a lick and a promise now,” he called after us. “We’ll make it right on the morrow.”

  Chapter 8

  Killian

  We did make quick work of it and were out relatively early.

  I wanted an opportunity to be alone with Bridey, so I found her before she headed out. “May I walk you home?”

  She hesitated. “Are ya sure
ya want to? It seemed earlier you were giving the idea of us another thought.”

  “Nay. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel that way.”

  “No. It-it’s fine, Killian.” She fiddled with her purse strap. “I understand you’d be looking for a better sort, and I don’t blame ya. You should—”

  “What? Are ya off your nut?” I took her arms. “Listen up. I know ya’ve a notion you’re not good for me, but nothing can be further from the truth.” She still wouldn’t raise her gaze. “Could we maybe take a stroll? Talk for a bit?”

  She kept running her fingers along the purse’s handle. It was enough to send a man off his rocker. “I don’t know. Maybe we shouldn’t. Maybe I should just find my way home.”

  Panic creeped over me. “Surely ya’ll give me a chance to speak my piece.”

  She lifted her head, and her gaze flickered about my face. She sighed, gesturing toward the door jerkily. “That’ll be fine.”

  I took a breath. “All right. Let me get, Paddy.”

  “Oh.” She hurriedly unzipped her bag. “I brought my key today.”

  “Perfect.”

  Once out in the fresh night air, I felt better. “Could we go out to the cliff?”

  She nodded.

  I was grateful for the big flashlight I grabbed on the way out. Once beyond the buildings we’d need it. I wanted to take her hand but was unsure now how that would go over. “Uhh…it’s a beautiful night.”

  She bent her neck to peer at the stars. “Sure look it.” She seemed a tad more relaxed. Maybe the fresh breeze blowing off the sea fortified her, too.

  “So,” I began “have ya always lived here?”

  She studied our path, and the wind blew her hair back, giving me a clear view of her face. “Aye. Right up the road. What about you? Where were you born?”

  “Cork. My da was Paddy, Keegan, Angus, and Seamus’ brother, Desmond. But everyone called him Des, or Desi.”

  “Ahh. How did he wind up in Cork?”

  “He met my ma at a tennis tournament in Kinsale.” Talking about them made me smile. “They both played. Ma hoped to go pro, but I think my da was in it to meet women.” I winked. “So it worked out well for him.”

  She smiled. “I’d say. And was he in the bar business, too? Like Seamus and Paddy? Or did he take after one of his other brothers?”

  “In a way he was. He and my ma worked at the Jameson’s Distillery in Middleton. It was a bit of a commute, but it beat working the docks, in his mind.” We’d gotten to “my spot” overlooking the sea. “Would you like to sit for a while?”

  “Aye. I’d like that.”

  I set the flashlight down and was taking off my jacket to lay it on the ground for her, but she sat before I could. “Don’tcha want my jacket?”

  “Oh, no. Put that on. There’s a nip in the air.”

  I joined her on the grass.

  “These jeans have Guinness and shepherd’s pie…and I think even a mite bit of Bailey’s cheesecake on them. They won’t mind.”

  After a brief lull in conversation, we both talked at once.

  I smiled. “You go.”

  “I was going to say it’s lovely here. I can see why you like it. The breeze and all. The faint sound of the waves rising over the edge of the cliff.”

  “Aye.” It was picturesque, but that wasn’t the reason it drew me.

  “You’re thinking about her, aren’t ya?” Her voice was soft.

  I gave her a once-over, drawing my brows together. I was going to ask her how she knew when she spoke.

  “I see it in your eyes. A sadness.” She gazed off into the darkness. “You truly loved her, didn’t ya?”

  “I do. I did. I mean, I do.”

  She bobbed her head, picking at the clover like I had, her knees drawn up. “You do. And ya always will.”

  There was no arguing it. And I at a loss for words besides.

  “Was it her ya were thinking about earlier?”

  I nodded, still unable to speak.

  “I thought so.” She lifted her hand and threw the clover to the wind, which took it somewhere behind us. “She must have been a remarkable woman.”

  “She was. Remarkable.”

  She blinked and looked away. When she turned back, tears were forming behind her lashes. “Tell me about her.”

  “Ahh…well.” I cleared my throat. “She was a school principal.”

  She touched her chest. “Was she now? Poor dear.”

  I chuckled. “Aye. I could never do that.” I thought about Josie. “She was…umm…organized, to the extreme—which I’m not, by the way.” I took a deep breath. “She was kind and generous and fearless. Fearless at the end.” A disloyal tear trickled out. Before I could wipe it, she used her thumb to wash it away.

  “I’m sorry, Killian.” Her eyes glowed with sympathy.

  I shrugged, sniffling. “It happens,” I said, wanting to dismiss it. “It happened to you.”

  “Aye.” She swiveled again and looked out at the horizon. Or where the horizon would be if we had any light. “I lied to you earlier,” she said in a rush.

  “You did?”

  She nodded. “My Tommy….” She blinked, staring at her knees, then hugging them. “He wasn’t a nice person. I mean, he was at first, but….” She took a jagged breath. “I don’t know. Maybe he was unhappy with me. But…. I didn’t miss him, when he was gone. I mean, I missed the man he was when I first knew him, but not the man he was when he died.”

  I placed my hand over hers in the grass. “So, it wasn’t him ya were mourning on the strand, it was your da.”

  She swiveled to stare at me. Then she nodded and turned to face her knees. “Deir’ told ya.”

  “Aye.”

  “Then she also told ya…he wasn’t exactly a nice man, either.” She cocked her head and sighed. “And you’re probably wondering why I stayed with him. Everyone wonders why I stayed. I wonder why I stayed.” She gazed off again, then mopped at the tears on her own face and sniffed. “I must be mental.”

  I didn’t know what to say. “We all are, a bit.”

  She laughed quietly. “Aye. I suppose we are.”

  I wanted to follow up with that and say something to reassure her, but she shifted to peer at me.

  “But he was my da. I loved him. I couldn’t leave him.” She gestured with her hand. “Besides, I had no place to go.” Her voice trailed off. “And with Tommy…folks didn’t understand him the way I did. In the beginning, we were so good together. We truly were. He was decent to me. I was happy. The happiest I ever was. And so was he.”

  She looked at me earnestly. “But, inside he was broken. His da…well, mine may have beaten me, but Tommy’s…he did much worse. Bruises, cuts—they heel. But Tom’s da used words to twist him up inside, and that doesn’t go away.” She shook her head, exhaling. “He was always searching for his da’s approval. Always. I don’t know why it was so important to him. The only thing was…” she seemed to be thinking about it. “Tom’s ma worshiped the ground his da walked on. I mean worshiped. I think that gave Tommy this overinflated view of the man.”

  I nodded.

  “Tommy knew he had problems and wanted to be a better man. I thought maybe….” She sighed. “I don’t know…I could help him to be a better man. Ya know? We could help each other grow. Even at the end, I still held out hope for that. But our time ran out.”

  She stared off over the sea again. The waves crashed below us, and I imagined it as the voice of her late husband putting his two cents into the conversation. “When Tommy’s da was dying, he took me to the hospital to meet him. He wanted to show his da he had someone who loved him. Prove to him he was worthy of love.” She shook her head. “Like that is something a child should have to prove to his father.” Her face was tight. “His da told him if I cared for him, I must be as big an eejit as Tommy was.” She stared off into the dark nebulous that was the sea. “Tommy was so angry that night. Screaming at me for…” her voice caught, but she fo
ught through it, “…not being good enough to win his father’s approval for him.”

  “Well, that’s hardly fair. His father didn’t even know you.”

  She nodded. “I know. But we aren’t talking about logic here. We’re talking about emotion. It doesn’t always make sense. Then, the day Tom’s da died—it was clear his time was coming to an end, and it was tearing Tommy up inside. He was crying, and he told his da he loved him. And ya know what that hateful old man did? With his last breath on this earth, he called his son over to whisper in his ear…” she blinked furiously “…and told him…he was a worthless little shite.” She inhaled deeply. “Gawd, to this day, I can hardly believe someone could be so…evil. Tommy’s eyes went cold. He was never the same after that.”

  A few seconds later I was startled when she slapped her knees. “Well, this is a splendid conversation.” She jumped to her feet and began to pace on a short track, her hands on her hips. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me sometimes.” It was like she was talking to herself. I scrambled to my feet. “You want to have a nice, light conversation, and I have to go and mention your wife. And top it off by talking about my husband and his warped relationship with his da. I’m pure thick, so I am.”

  I took her shoulders on one of her passes. “Bridey. It’s all right.”

  She stared at me, then covered her face, her shoulders shaking. I drew her in against my chest.

  “There, now. You have yourself a cry then. It’ll make ya feel better.”

  She cried harder and wrapped her arms around me tight. I swayed with her there at the edge of a cliff, stroking her hair.

  “That’s it. Get it all out.”

  When she had calmed some, she lifted her head from my chest. “Why are you so good to me?” Before I could reply, she wrinkled her brow and twisted toward the building. “Is that music?”

  I listened, glancing at the pub. Paddy and Deirdre’s bedroom was at the rear of the establishment. Lights were on, and the pair was waltzing. We could see them in silhouette against their shades.

  “Oh,” she cooed. “That’s so sweet.”

  We watched for a few more seconds. Her fingers were laced on her chest, and her cheeks glowed. I took a step away, and she turned to observe me. I bowed deeply and offered my hand.